falsedetective:

philtippett:

falsedetective:

holdmeclosertinydancy:

falsedetective:

i mean, lately, it’s presumably because the hit broadway musical hamilton is out there reminding everyone that tjeff was The Worst. but i’m gonna take this opportunity to give you a run-down of every historic reason why tjeff was The Worst

1. i could end the list at “slave owner”
2. furthermore, he was even more racist than most 18th century racists. i don’t have the time or energy to list all the racists things he did, but there are a lot, just google it
3. like when his pal tadeusz kosciuszko died he stipulated that the money from his american estate should be used to free and educate jefferson’s slaves and in response he was like. “i can’t read suddenly. i don’t know”
4. he was a huge hypocrite who claimed to support the ~small independent farmers when the only interests he really cared about looking out for were – you guessed it – the interests of wealthy plantation owners, which is probably his biggest contribution to the legacy of american politics tbh
5. also, remember how he wrote the declaration of independence – including the original draft where he waxed philosophical about how slavery is an abomination – even though #1-3
6. sally hemings
7. he had no idea how the economy works. a good deal of his political career was spent arguing with the federalists about why taxes are bad and banks are scary. one time he tried to ban exports, like, entirely, because he just didn’t foresee any negative consequences to that brilliant idea, apparently
8. he was a generally obnoxious person who not only spewed baseless accusations against his enemies every time he was challenged on all his horrible ideology, but he didn’t even have the balls to do it himself, he usually employed a whole gang of followers to do his public shit-talking for him
9. he actually kept a burn book where he collected rumors about people he didn’t like. i wish i was making this up lmao this actually happened!!!
10. a big fan of indian removal and/or forced assimilation
11. there’s gotta be a lot else i’m forgetting right now, i’m just thinking off the top of my head

basically he sat around at monticello spinning around in his swivel chair while his slave-concubine brought him bowl after bowl of mac and cheese, meditating on liberty and equality with so much moral myopia he could’ve been the antihero protagonist of an amc prestige drama

i’m too tired to source any of this hate right now but i can and will elaborate if anyone deems it necessary

im gonna need a source on the mac and cheese

tj loved mac and cheese so much that he had a macaroni machine shipped over from naples. he often served mac and cheese to his dinner guests, some of whom called it “very strong and not agreeable“ because this man can’t even do mac and cheese right

i just want to add my personal favorite obnoxious jefferson story to this beautiful post (co-starring – surprise!! – alexander hamilton):

jefferson had alexander hamilton over at his house for dinner parties quite a bit (hamilton, for his part, often entertained at his own house but never invited jefferson, i can’t possibly imagine why). and on the wall in his house, jefferson had portraits – actual portraits, hanging, on the wall of his home – of isaac newton, john locke, and francis bacon, bc jefferson was the most pretentious fuck of his time. anyway, at one of these dinners, alexander asked tj who these men in the portraits were (altho no one can ever convince me that he didn’t already know) and jefferson was basically like “these are my personal holy trinity! the greatest men who ever lived!” and then went on about each of their great accomplishments and influences on the world and all. after he finally finishes his spiel, alexander is quiet for some time, looking pensive, and then he says, “well, no, julius caesar was the greatest man who ever lived.”

now, nobody knows exactly why hamilton said this. in general tho there are two theories. for one thing, it’s possible that he just genuinely admired julius caesar as a statesman. that wouldn’t particularly surprise me, knowing what we know about hamilton’s political beliefs (which is a lot). however, even if that is true, i’m more inclined to believe the other prevailing thought, which is that alexander hamilton was a little shit who just liked to say things that he knew would upset thomas jefferson.

and it worked! (it often worked. teej took the bait all the time, so it never lost its appeal.) jefferson, in all his ~enlightened~ capital-r Reasoning and nominal love of small government and rule by “the people,” was shocked into sputtering speechlessness. he could not believe that someone would say such a thing!! to the point where he told this story to other people for decades, like “hey can you believe this? a real person actually said that!!!!” dude was so bothered.

(fwiw, jefferson also used this story as evidence that hamilton was a dangerous man who should never be given political power bc clearly he would take over the country as emperor, and it became yet another thing that came back to bite hamilton in the ass. but based on jefferson’s response, tbh it sounds like it was worth it.)

Thank You for contributing this wonderful story. i’d just like to add: hamilton hated julius caesar, and he frequently insulted people and policies he disliked by comparing them to caesar, so he was 100% definitely trolling tjeffies for his own personal amusement. the fact that his dumb joke was used against him for decades is, from every angle, the funniest part of this whole story