American knowledge of the States, as known by an American

Alabama: everyone knows us best for being the most difficult about desegregation
Alaska: the biggest state and the most ignored-essentially Canada
Arizona: hot hot hot dry as hell ha ha ha this is hell
Arkansas: Little Rock Nine- also, we are not an extension of Kansas, like at all
California: LA, San Francisco, the most chill hippy liberals you’ll ever meet mixed in with warring druglords, the richest people in the nation, homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk, and a flamboyant gay night scene
Colorado: we legalized weed and now ppl won’t shut up about it
Connecticut: the c is silent asshole
Delaware: Delawhere?
Florida: old people, alligators, and an interesting blend of liberals and conservatives shooting swamp monsters
Georgia: somehow we’re more racist than Alabama
Hawaii: lol school, what school
Idaho: fuck off and don’t make fun of my name- also, potatoes
Illinois: stop illinoying me, haha- there’s nothing here
Indiana: HOOSIER COLLEGE BASKETBALL, home of the angry religious road signs
Iowa: you fly over us sometimes when you’re visiting California
Kansas: Wizard of Oz and the Westboro Baptist Church
Kentucky: yeah yeah go on, make your jokes about chicken but let’s see you resist it bitch
Louisiana: parlez-vous français,salope now enjoy our fucking crawfish
Maine: lobsters and commercials about our famed lobster
Maryland: the most liberal conservatives you will ever meet
Massachusetts: boston tea party, boston massacre, we don’t pronounce our r’s and that’s all anyone remembers
Michigan: we hate Ohio and most of us work for Ford, General Motors Or Chrysler
Minnesota: we’re like Canadians but American
Mississippi: it takes like five different songs to remember how to spell our name
Missouri: our name sounds like misery because that’s what it is to live here
Montana: montana, mountain, geh it?
Nebraska: half of our state is like Children of the Corn but with less activity
Nevada: Las Vegas and nothing else, literally nothing
New Hampshire: taxes are for communists
New Jersey: we’re shaped like a dollar sign, also new york city is totally ours don’t believe what anyone says
New Mexico: every one of us has seen a UFO and Spanglish is our official language
New York: we have more than one city you know
North Carolina: biscuists, sweet tea, south carolina is just a knockoff of us
North Dakota: lawnmower races, lol jackets are for the weak, “how are things” “eh, not so bad.”
Ohio: shut up about Glee and we’re not fucking iowa, cheap beer, and fuck CNN
Oklahoma: We can and will deep-fry anything we want, just try and stop us
Oregon: the Oregon trail game.
Pennsylvania: ya want some pop? also, i just hit a deer with my car, wanna come over for dinner, we have deer meat
Rhode Island: size don’t matter, this is the best state, and you probably only know us cuz of family guy but whatever
South Carolina: Praise Jesus! shrimp, grits, and conservatives, and Southern hospit- wait, what the fuck did you just say about North Carolina?
South Dakota: we’re below another Dakota
Tennessee: nashville is fun to say and that dumb pickup line, oh my god, i get it, you’re the only ten-i-see, fuck off and shove the bible right up your
Texas: trip onto my lawn and I’ll blow your head off and it’s my god-given right as an american goddamnit burn a flag and i’ll be shovin’ it up your yuppie ass later
Utah: Mormons and that little smudge on the map that’s a lake
Vermont: skiing and the NRA loves using us as a misrepresented statistic
Virginia: the confederacy didn’t win the war, but we sure as hell didn’t lose it *burns textbook
Washington: it rains. and sometimes twilight fans come to brood.
West Virginia: we split off from Virginia and we thought we were cool but now no one notices us- NOTICE US VIRGINIA
Wisconsin: cheese is a valid form of US currency shut up
Wyoming: we’re not all gay cowboys